You are not alone when it comes to late assignments, going crazy, being docked points

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To any and everybody who has ever been in the position of turning in an assignment late. To everybody that has a paper due at 2 p.m. and have not even pretended to begin writing it. To everybody that has ever had a supervisor, employer, teacher etc., breathing down their neck to finish a project, this one's for you. Many times I tried to come up with ideas for this edition of The Eagle, but was unable to no matter how hard I tried. I seem to have drawn a major blank spot. Kind of like this: See that? No you don't, because there is nothing there. This is a perfect example of what has been going on in my brain every time I sit down to write. Normally this would not be a problem but for a couple of factors, these factors being that I am a writer for a newspaper and have these things called "deadlines."

So saying that I have been having trouble coming up with ideas and have a deadline, I am going to do something that should never be done. Yet for some reason, is done far too often in society. It is a technique passed down through the ages by those who have found themselves in similar situations such as the one I am experiencing. I am going to half-ass it.

Please dear readers, do not follow my example or try this at home. At least not without proper supervision. Remember I am a highly trained and skilled professional.

The method by which I shall go about the halving of the ass is quite simple, I am sharing a few of the ideas that did not make the cut and end up as an article in these pages, not to mention a few random quotes, phrases and questions.

This is a good point to either get comfy and fix a snack or move on to the next article. I recommend either reading the next article or something from the lifestyles' section. For those brave enough to continue, I salute you.

The first of the discarded ideas is my favorite. I just did not feel I could stretch it into a full article.

I know this very wonderful and unique young lady who told me something I felt to be quite astounding. Especially being the fact that this is the year 2006 as opposed to 1806, or even earlier. I thought society was supposed to be a little more progressed than this.

This young lady was telling me about how her boyfriend does not let her poop or fart. She said that she had to pretend she was going to go into the bathroom to fix her makeup, or that she would have to make an excuse to go outside for a minute and fart. I, of course, thought she was joking. So as soon as I had rid my system of all the laughter, I found out that she was being dead serious. After another bout of laughter, it occurred to me just how messed up the situation was.

She tried to defend him by saying that he was brought up to believe that its un-lady like to poop and fart and that ladies do not do that. I tried to explain that it is un-lady like, not to mention ungentlemanly, to poop and fart in public or in the presence of others. But to believe that someone, no matter their gender, does not poop and fart is beyond ridiculous. No matter what your beliefs or upbringing, to not allow someone, especially one you claim to love, to poop or fart is just this side of evil. But just barely. Even Hitler allowed the Jews to poop and fart.

Every day I drive from East Carbon and back. Along the way in Wellington there is a small Christian church. Outside this church is a marquee where bulletins are posted, Bible verses and other religious and/or uplifting nature messages are posted. I always read what they post because it's always something that is relevant to what is going on in either the world or my life. The one that stands out in my memory is: character is not made in a crisis, only exhibited.

Has anybody else noticed that whenever somebody asks Pres. George W. Bush a question, he acts like he is slightly offended and proceeds to answer a question that someone might have asked in a universe or dimension elsewhere in the cosmos and not the question that was actually asked?

Did you know that if you put the proper spin on a cat, it will not always land on its feet?

If two people have a conversation and at the end of that conversation, at least one of them is not smarter or gain knowledge that they did not possess beforehand, then that conversation was meaningless and a waste of time.

Edited versions of albums are wrong and should not be allowed to be sold in stores. They are just sitting on shelves right next to the real versions of the album where just anybody could grab them.

Speaking of editing, what exactly is so wrong with the F word? I know many people that use other words that start with the letter F in exactly the same context, at exactly the same time that someone uses the F word. What is the difference between that word and the actual F word?

While I am on the subject of the F word I, like many of the people I grew up with, used to get in trouble for saying the F word and others like it back in junior high and high school. I never understood why. I still don't. The only people it ever seemed to bother were the teachers. So I wondered, and still do, if it bothers them so much, why did they teach junior high and high school? Don't they know that kids swear a lot? Besides if something as insignificant as the F word could bother you that much, then maybe you should consider counseling. Seriously, grow up people, it is just a word.

Another statement I came across recently that I like and have no idea who first said it is this: Live a little, you can never be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

Speaking of crazy, I thought I went crazy last year. I was walking through the student center and a friend said my name. I looked around and there was nobody to be found. So I thought I had finally gone crazy and wondered how to break this news to my mother that her son was crazy. It turns out my friend was behind this pillar-looking object and I had not noticed her. Needless to say I was immensely relieved to see her, being that this was confirmation that I was not, in fact, crazy.

I believe that is enough randomness for the day and would like to remind everybody that if you happen to be running late on an assignment, you are not alone. But just remember, if you are late with an assignment and it was accomplished in an amazingly well manner, that not only met, but exceeded the requirements for the assignment, you will still be docked points. Do not be angered or otherwise irritated by this fact. You should have gotten it done and turned in on time.

Have a fantastic day and don't forget to wear your seat belts.

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