A series of terrible dates with myself

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I was dissatisfied with men
Posted Monday, February 5, 2018 - 7:59pm

I’ve often heard people claim they are taking a break from dating and are “dating themselves.” This statement always earns a heavy eye-roll and sounds more like a cry for attention than anything else. How does one even “date themself?”

The idea behind it is to “treat yo-self.” It’s supposed to be therapeutic. People claim they discover new things about what they like and don’t like, and it can be relaxing. I was one of those people who decided to pause on dating others for a while and focus more on me and yes, it is as pretentious as it sounds.

After my last bad experience with dating, I took a good look at what I was doing with my life. As I stared blankly at my reflection in the black screen of my phone after an uneventful bout with Tinder, I decided that I was dissatisfied with men, and it was time for a change. I casually mentioned to a friend that I wanted to take a break from the horrors of dating. She suggested that I give dating myself a try. “Take a long bath or go watch a movie!” she offered.

On Friday, two weeks ago, I looked up movie times, cooked a nice dinner and dressed to the nines for no one but me. I was even ready to tell people that I was unavailable. The weekend was full of good food, incredible movies, bubble baths with wine and candles, and a lot of beauty sleep.

It was exciting and I felt comfortable with myself. I had truly taken time to take care of myself and focus on things that make me happy. I jokingly posted on Snapchat that I was going to ask myself to be my girlfriend, and later, I stated that I had said “no” to my own offer.

In truth, dating myself was incredibly boring. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it just doesn’t work like that. I can’t swear off men because I am human, and crave companionship. I found myself sharing my experience with as many people as possible because I wanted desperately for someone to give me the attention I was unable to give myself. For me, dating is about sharing my life with someone and has little to do with the amount of money that someone is willing to spend on me. I can eat the most delicious foods in the world and watch the best movies ever made, but at the end of the day, I’m still alone.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t spoil yourself every now and then, because you definitely should! It feels good, but you can do that while you date people. And it’s okay to take a break from dating, but don’t let it become your only reality.

It’s okay to want to be in a relationship. I know I’m tired of being lonely. It’s true that happiness shouldn’t rely on being with another, but being in a relationship can add happiness to your life.

My advice is don’t give up, your special someone is out there, and closing yourself off by “dating yourself” isn’t going to help you find them. So, let’s please put the whole “I’m just dating myself right now” thing to rest.

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